4 Tips to Handling Pain

There is so much pain in individual lives as well as the world at large.

So what do we do when we are holding and witnessing this kind of pain?

1. Feel your Feelings​
   If this sounds terrible, I get it. Why would you want to feel pain, loss, anger, hopelessness, and uncertainty? Unfortunately, the only way out is through, and the reality is that we do better when we allow space for our feelings rather than fight them. While avoidance is tempting, it can prolong the pain and leave us feeling stuck.
   
   (Not sure what you're feeling? Check out Four Steps to Identifying Emotions to help figure it out).
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2. Expect Less​
   When things aren't going well, that means we have to adjust expectations of ourselves. I hear so many people holding themselves to a "pre" standard. Whether it's pre-pandemic, pre-loss, pre-move, pre-[insert one of the many awful things happening in the world right now], you are not where you were before. While we may feel that we have adjusted, all of these pain points are a like a slow leak and we deserve to acknowledge that this leak may make it harder to "fill our bucket" or get things done.

   
   Think of what is realistic to expect of yourself within the context of your pain.
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3. Get the Right People Around You​
   This can be a tough one. But we aren't going to feel better about our struggles if we are surrounded by messages that suggest we shouldn't be feeling what we are feeling. Messages like we should be unaffected, should move on quicker, are somehow deficient for having a hard time, etc.
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   If there aren't people in your network who can give you the space to move through your pain, that's hard. I encourage you to keep looking. This validating support can come from a therapist, peer support group, faith-based community, or crisis line, as well.
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4. Take a Break​
   I know I said you should feel your feelings. But when they are really big, we sometimes need to take a break so we don't drown in them. A break can mean a distraction, social media hiatus, or letting friends know that you don't want to talk about what's going on right now and asking them to check in with you another time.
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   In terms of a break from news - I understand that it is a privilege to step away from what is going on in the world. But, as they say, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Take restorative time when you need to or make modifications (like signing petitions or planning future steps) and come back to your grief, uncertainty, or activism when you're ready.

I am sending you validation, realistic expectations, support, and self-care.

I hope you have time and space to integrate them.