6 Things a Therapist Wants You to Know
My experience with therapy
The first time I went to a therapist I was a little girl. I don’t really remember much other than making a clay pigeon, having to pretend I was a lion, and feeling PROFOUNDLY uncomfortable. As much as I disliked it, it did end up actually helping me.
I later sought out therapy as an 18-year old with a psychologist who didn’t bother to build any rapport with me and instead plunked me in front of a computer to fill out questionnaires. As a psych major, I knew what the questions were getting at and lied because I didn’t have any trust established with her. That relationship didn’t last beyond 2 or 3 sessions.
I tried again a few years later and lasted one whole session with an aggressive therapist. And then finally, a year or so after that, I met Alanna. And thank goodness for Alanna. It made such a difference to have someone treat me with care and compassion and just behave like a human being. Unlike the others, I didn’t feel like a test subject or like I was bumping up against someone’s ego.
Over the following years I met different therapists. Some who lasted a session, some a year, and some longer. And I still see one because there is always, always, always something we could be doing differently in life.
What I want you to know about therapy
I share all of this with you for a few reasons.
To let you know that, as in any profession, there are a lot of duds out there. It breaks my heart when someone finally tries therapy, meets a therapist and, when it doesn’t go well, decides that therapy isn’t for them. Really it’s just about goodness of fit. It’s one of the reasons I highly recommend “counsellor shopping” and offer free consultations, because I cannot emphasize enough how important that right fit is to the process.
You’re not necessarily going to stick with the same therapist for your entire journey. Different therapists will walk with you at different points of your path and offer something valuable at the right time. It’s okay to let go and take a break or even start up with someone new.
I’m human! That means things go wrong in my life or I could improve on certain situations or behaviours. Therapists are experts on their profession, but at the end of the day, we’re just humans too. So be careful in thinking that your therapist doesn’t struggle with anxiety, depression, relationships, or just life in general.
I’m a big believer in practicing what I preach. Therapy is hard and uncomfortable. I’m not saying that just as a therapist, I’m saying that as a client. I don’t believe I have any business asking clients to do what I wouldn’t do or haven’t done myself in the past. So when you’re sitting on my couch and I’m asking you to do something outside your comfort zone and I say it’s hard…. trust me - I know it’s hard. I’ve been there and I know what I’m asking of you.
Things get harder before they get better. That tends to happen when we bring up the hard stuff and work through it. However, I can assure you that I’ve come out the other side over and over again and know that sometimes one of the hardest things to hold on to is hope. That things will get better, look different, hurt less. But, as someone who has sat on both sides of the room, I can attest to the possibility for growth and change. And it’s magical.
If you have considered therapy but are worried that it means there’s something wrong with you: I promise you there’s not. You just have the privilege of being a human with the opportunity to do something different. And I can’t tell you how excited I am when someone takes that courageous step to call or email me to give it a try. In fact, I’m proud if you’re even thinking about it and haven’t reached out yet. You’ll connect with the right person when you’re ready and I can’t wait for you to see where it takes you.
Are you wondering if it might be a good time to try therapy? Feel free to reach out for a free 20-minute consultation in order to learn a little bit more about me or my approach and to see if I’m the right fit for you.